Six months have passed since our lives were torn apart. Our boy we loved so dearly, was taken from us in an instant. We didn't even have a chance to say goodbye.
I remember that night so vividly.
It seems just like yesterday, yet in so many ways it feels as though he’s been gone forever. A lifetime, really.
The desolation we have felt is beyond any I could ever describe or have imagined.
While I have experienced much in my forty something years, from serving in a foreign war at 19, losing my mother when she was just 55, to leaving our home and moving several states away with five young boys to a place I knew not a single soul. Those trials did not prepare me for the unexpected loss of a child I spent eighteen years loving and raising.
His wake, the funeral, even months after are a blur to me. Yet there are a few things that stand out.
One is the story from a mother who had a young teenage boy with her at the wake. She told us that awhile back her son was contemplating suicide. Around the same time, E had an encounter with this boy, and spoke kind words to encourage him. Hearing this from an upperclassman he looked up to, made an impact on this woman’s son. She told us how it is Ethan she credits for saving his life. Giving others encouragement and kindness was something we hear time and time again about our son.
Living without E has been an insurmountable burden we have no choice to bear.
There will never be a day that goes by…no, not a moment we aren’t thinking of him, feeling his absence and missing him.
We’ve had to make many adjustments in our lives. He was a part of every single detail in this family. We reluctantly move forward, yet always looking back. Never truly moving on.
And six months later, here we are forging an unknown and uncharted path full of a grief we never expected to know.
I'm really not sure how we will fill the void left in our hearts without him here physically. We probably never will. We're still hurting.. more than ever, but are grateful for the family, friends and community that continue to support us.
What I am sure of is that we could not cope without leaning on the Lord’s strength and guidance through every step.
I must remind myself daily that we are not created for this world.
And the best way I can honor our E is to advance the kingdom of which he is now a part of.
"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life."
Psalm 119:50
Posted on Facebook: 7/22/16
No comments:
Post a Comment